‘Being there for your kids’ key for those learning about fatherhood in program at Lancaster Twp. nonprofit [video] (2024)

Lindsay Smith was seven months pregnant when relationship issues came to a head with her fiance, Nicholas Luccarella, the father of the child. The conflict had more to do with Luccarella’s behavior. Smith moved out.

“I lost my mind,” Luccarella said. “I sought counseling to get through it.”

Within a month, the Manheim Township couple reconciled and were back living together when Smith suggested Luccarella begin attending fatherhood classes at a local pregnancy resource center. Luccarella attended his first class in July 2022.

“That first meeting there were three other guys there,” he said. “There’s camaraderie, no judgment. … The moment I got into that door it was a blessing.”

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The classes Luccarella still attends are offered through the Courageous Dads program at A Woman’s Concern, a Lancaster Township-based nonprofit with a mission of supporting those with unplanned pregnancies.

For most of its 52-year history, A Woman’s Concern has functioned as a guiding hand for mothers during and after pregnancy.

Three years ago, it added a fatherhood component with the creation of Courageous Dads. The program served 183 fathers last year.

The dads come from all walks of life and have varied in ages from 16 to 52, said Mike Yowler, the director of fatherhood at A Woman’s Concern. Yowler, 53, teaches the Courageous Dads classes, which provides instruction not only on fatherhood but also on how to be a good partner to the child’s mother.

“Some of these guys are sleeping in cars, homeless or just out of prison, so we try to incorporate some life skills, too,” Yowler said. “Oftentimes they just need someone to believe in them before they can believe in themselves. … These men want to be the best. They just need the encouragement reminding them that someone is proud of them.”

Yowler, a 1988 graduate of Lampeter-Strasburg High School who lives in West Lampeter Township, has spent most of his career in ministry.

But he was out of a job a few years ago when the nondenominational church he founded in West Lampeter Township in 2015 closed during the COVID-19 pandemic.

He soon had full-time offers from three local churches.

“But I was re-evaluating where God was directing me,” Yowler said.

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‘Let’s figure this out’

That re-evaluation led Yowler to apply for the directorial role of a newly created youth program at A Woman’s Concern in 2021; the program is geared toward educating students and teens on relationships.

He didn’t know the nonprofit was also looking for someone to run another new program centered on fatherhood called Courageous Dads.

“I immediately went to our board of directors to ask if we could offer him (Yowler) both positions,” said Jill Hartman, A Woman’s Concern executive director. “Mike courageously helped us launch both of those programs at the same time.”

A Woman’s Concern conducts free pregnancy testing and ultrasounds, and provides free maternity and baby clothing and supplies, counseling, and support to women and families facing unplanned pregnancies.

The nonprofit’s staff of 19 includes registered and licensed practical nurses, registered diagnostic medical sonographers and a neonatal physician.

A Woman’s Concern performed 281 pregnancy tests and 280 ultrasounds in 2023. Yowler estimates that a man accompanied a woman to her an initial appointment for about a quarter of them.

In those cases, the man is required to stay in the waiting room.

“What should always happen is the woman has to give consent for the father (of the baby) to be in the ultrasound room,” Hartman said. “You don’t know if there’s abuse involved. … You don’t know their whole story. Our first responsibility is to protect the woman and her rights.”

Up until a few years ago, the man would go to a separate room to watch a video on fatherhood before the mother gave consent for him to join her in the ultrasound room.

Any further education on fatherhood stopped there.

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Since Yowler came on board, the fathers who accompany the mothers in those initial appointments at A Woman’s Concern go to Yowler’s office instead of watching a video.

“Oftentimes the pregnancy is unexpected,” Yowler said. “And now the woman has a decision to make. The guys want to let her know, ‘I’m not going to pressure you. I’ll do whatever you want.’ How do you think that makes her feel? She feels all this heaviness is on her shoulders, that she’s alone in making this decision.”

“I try to get them to a point where they’re like, ‘I’m going to be here. Let’s figure this out. We have time to make a decision. Let’s talk about it,’ ” Yowler said.

Yowler’s wife, Melissa, suffered multiple miscarriages before the couple went the route of adoption 18 years ago. So in his role at A Woman’s Concern, Yowler can draw on his lessons learned as a father but also how he became a dad.

“When these women come here they get all the options,” Yowler said. “There is abortion, pregnancy and adoption. ... My wife and I weren’t able to have kids. Adoption is huge for us.”

A Woman’s Concern does not perform or refer clients for abortions but will explain what an abortion entails and what its negative effects could be.

“They basically gave us literature or a pamphlet of the options (pregnancy, adoption, abortion),” Courtney Saunders said.

Saunders, a 34-year-old Lancaster city resident, was first a client of A Woman’s Concern from pregnancy through the birth of son, Olin, two years ago; she recently returned in the lead-up to giving birth to daughter Oakleigh two months ago.

“They didn’t force (abortion) down my throat — that it was bad or anything,” Smith said. “Whatever your choice is, here is the information. They did not show any images (of abortions). … Everyone there is very polite. They don’t make it seem like it’s solely faith-based or pro-life in any way. It’s a safe space for anything.”

“We do not include any pictures of any aborted babies,” Hartman said. “Think about going into any medical procedure. You want to know your options. … We think women are capable of making an informed decision when all three options of the pregnancy are in front of them. That’s what women’s health looks like. That’s respecting a woman’s choice.”

For the women who choose to follow through with the pregnancy, Hartman said, the resource center then serves to “walk alongside them.”

“They can come see us once a week all the way through their pregnancy and through the baby’s first year,” she said.

For the men involved, Yowler gets them signed up for fatherhood classes.

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How to be a good dad, partner

Yowler gears the fatherhood curriculum around BrightCourse, a video streaming service that provides information on prenatal care, parenting, life skills and more.

The men’s gatherings are held in a renovated second-story room inside a carriage house that dates to the 1860s. It’s across the parking lot behind the two-story brick building in which A Woman’s Concern is housed at 1102 Millersville Pike, Lancaster Township.

A Courageous Dads class in March hit on topics such as fathers setting a good example for their children, setting goals and boundaries and parenting kids in childhood versus parenting in adolescence.

A class in May educated men on the changes in a woman’s body during pregnancy and provided guidance on how he could respond as the partner, such as being patient, using encouraging words and helping with house chores.

A monthly Men’s Night gathering over pizza on the third Thursday in May recapped much of the above, which generated conversation among Yowler and the dads in the room.

“We have what we call a Whole Person Health curriculum that we share with them,” Yowler said. “They learn how all six areas of health are imperative for them to balance: physical, emotional, intellectual, social, financial and spiritual health.”

In regards to spiritual health, Yowler said, “We are not handing out Bibles or gospel tracts.”

But he does sometimes share in general what has worked for him in fatherhood as a believer in the Christian faith.

“The success for us is that we present ourselves so that our clients know they are welcome here, regardless of their spiritual background or faith. That’s huge for me,” Yowler said. “If you look at Scripture, when Jesus met the lepers, the blind man, the prostitute, the woman at the well, his handshake was the same as ours. I don’t care what your background is … you are welcome here.”

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Hartman said the success of the fatherhood program has prompted A Woman’s Concern to recently begin offering a series of classes in a group setting for its female clients who previously only received pregnancy and motherhood education by watching videos or through one-on-one feedback with a mentor within the nonprofit.

In all instances, men and women can earn points that can be used toward the purchase of baby-related items from the nonprofit such as diapers, food, clothes, car seats or strollers.

“We’ve gotten multiple strollers, high chairs, car seats (through Courageous Dads),” Jordan Saunders said. “You name it, we probably got it.”

Courtney Saunders’ husband, Jordan Saunders, is a 34-year-old Lancaster city resident and father of three who has been attending Courageous Dads gatherings since the program’s inception.

“We’re almost going to have to get a bigger room, it’s grown so much,” Saunders said. “I’m impressed with some of the fathers. When you’re a newbie at a program like this you are almost hesitant to talk and share your stories, but I haven’t seen that. These fathers want to share.”

Saunders recently created a text message group for fathers who attend Courageous Dads classes. He did so in part to take pressure off of Yowler, who said he sometimes receives upwards of 20 texts a day.

Along the way, Saunders has opened up with those men about his past, which includes a couple run-ins with law enforcement.

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‘It’s a big deal’

Saunders was charged with disorderly conduct in 2012 and DUI in 2013, charges that were later dropped. Looking back, he said he could have handled himself better in the 2012 incident, where he said he yelled at police officers.

“I shouldn’t have been yelling,” he said.

Coincidentally in 2012, Luccarella had even worse troubles.

On Christmas Eve that year, Luccarella, a Berks County native, was arrested for driving under the influence for a third time and charged by Reading City Police with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon in Berks County.

“There was a car accident in front of my house,” Luccarella said. “Somebody hit a telephone pole; the car was there in the street. I was under the influence driving home. I drove through the scene while the police were there. That was considered aggravated assault with a deadly weapon was me driving the vehicle and police telling me ‘stop.’ I did then pull over … and eventually got tased.”

Luccarella spent the next 14 months in jail, during which he missed his son Odin’s second birthday.

Luccarella has remained sober and stayed out of legal trouble since.

“I’ve made certain choices the wrong way,” Luccarella said. “I can share those moments with the young guys (in Courageous Dads) and tell them to not make those same choices I did. ... A lot of it is how we conduct ourselves. We have admitted we have to be open to listening. It’s not about barking out orders (to our children). … Being there for your kids is a huge part of it.”

Luccarella also received six months’ probation for a 2008 incident for which he pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct.

“That was the first time I got tased,” he said. “I’ve openly shared this at those (Courageous Dads) meetings like, ‘These are mistakes I made, and that’s a place I don’t want to go back to, and here’s why.’ ”

Luccarella and Smith have ironed out conflicts through relationship classes offered at A Woman’s Concern.

“One of the classes was how to discipline kids,” Luccarella said. “Because we are a blended family that was a struggle.”

Luccarella and Smith each had children from previous relationships before the birth of their son, Rocky, in 2022.

“(Smith) had a certain way of interacting with her kids that is different than how I communicate with my son,” Luccarella said. “We’ve learned how to communicate more than anything else.”

After Rocky was born two years ago at Penn Medicine Lancaster General Health Women & Babies Hospital in East Hempfield Township, Smith and Luccarella took him to A Woman’s Concern to introduce the baby to the staff.

“That’s what it meant to us,” Luccarella said of the resource center. “We had to get there. They’ve helped us so much along the way.”

Luccarella and Smith are set to get married in November.

Yowler will officiate the wedding.

“It’s a big deal,” Luccarella said. “With Mike, it’s special.”

“When I started here I wasn’t sure,” Yowler said of the Courageous Dads program. “Now it’s way beyond what I thought. Way beyond.”